Rule 15 of 17 · Chapter IV — After the Date
When it is not a match, let go with grace
Why this rule exists
The final flourish of the advanced dater is perhaps the hardest: to end things, or be ended, with kindness intact and dignity on both sides. Most people cannot manage it, and so we get the slow fade, the ghost, the vanishing that leaves the other person refreshing a silent phone and quietly blaming themselves. It is treated as easier than an honest word, but it is only easier for the one leaving, and it is a small cruelty. A brief, kind, honest message that the spark is not there for you costs a moment of discomfort and spares someone days of confusion. Not every date becomes a romance, and that is not a failure; a graceful ending is its own kind of success and leaves you a person you can respect in the mirror.
In practice
When you know it is not a match, say so simply and soon, with warmth and without a catalogue of reasons designed to wound. Something like 'I really enjoyed meeting you, but I didn't feel the spark I'm looking for, and I wanted to be honest rather than leave you wondering' is plenty. Resist the temptation to disappear, which feels painless only because you do not have to watch it land. And when you are on the receiving end, take the honesty as the gift it is, feel it, and let them go without a fight, because chemistry cannot be argued into existence. Both roles are easier when everyone tells the truth kindly and quickly.
When it doesn't apply
You owe honesty and basic courtesy, not a detailed thesis or an ongoing dialogue about the decision. And if someone has made you feel genuinely unsafe, you owe them nothing at all; disengaging for your safety overrides every etiquette in this book.