Rule 10 of 17 · Chapter III — Honesty and the Secret Weapon of Being Normal
Say what you actually want out loud
Why this rule exists
Steel yourself for a tactic of reckless transparency: tell people what you are looking for, in words, with your mouth. Whether you want something serious, something casual, or you are genuinely still figuring it out, saying so plainly is treated as a wild breach of dating etiquette, when in fact it is the single greatest act of respect you can offer another person's time. The elaborate alternative, hinting and hoping and hoping they hint back, wastes months and breaks hearts through sheer cowardice dressed as caution. Clarity is kind. It lets both of you opt in with open eyes, and it filters out the mismatches early, which is a gift even when it stings, because a fast honest no beats a slow dishonest maybe every time.
In practice
Get honest with yourself first about what you actually want, because you cannot communicate a thing you have refused to admit. Then, when it is relevant and not on the first ten minutes of the first date, say it simply and without apology: what you are hoping for, what you are not sure about, where your head is. Invite them to be equally honest and actually listen to the answer, especially if it is not the one you wanted. You are not issuing demands or ultimatums; you are trading real information so two people can decide well. It feels exposed, but exposed-and-clear beats hidden-and-hoping in every scenario that ends happily.
When it doesn't apply
Timing and proportion matter; you need not deliver a five-year plan over the first coffee, and it is fine for wants to evolve as you get to know someone. The rule is against strategic vagueness meant to keep options open at another person's expense, not against taking a little time to know your own mind.